The joys of breastfeeding... & Jaundice

Minutes after Connor was born, I breastfeed him for the first time. It was something new to the both of us, but I love the connection I felt with him. He had grown in my body for 9 months and breastfeeding him felt as if part of him was still inside of me.I left the hospital confident in my ability to feed him even though Connor & I were both still learning how breastfeeding worked.

His first night home was rough looking back. I would feed him and he would quickly fall asleep only to wake up 30-45 minutes later wanting to eat again. I thought this was normal. We did this all night and the next morning and Connor only had 1 wet diaper in 20 hours. We went for our check up the next morning, just 20 hours after we got home from the hospital.

Friday morning, 2 1/2 days after his birth and Connor weighted 6lbs 14oz, almost a whole pound less than his birth weight! I breastfeed in front of the nurse and she could see my struggle to get him to properly latch. With such weight loss, she suggested supplementing with formula and a syringe until my milk came in. I was okay with this; I wanted my baby to be healthy and I knew this was a temporary problem & temporary solution. She collected blood from his heel, let us know she would call us with his blood results and we were on our way.

Derek ran to target to get some formula and a few other items. Once he got home I took a nap only to be woken by Derek just a few minutes later. The doctor had called him and explained that Connors bilirubin level was 18.5! His level had risen since the day before and we needed to head to the hospital as soon as possible for Connor to be admitted to the nursery for phototherapy. I was half asleep as I packed a quick bag and grabbed a few snacks before I got into the car. Derek already had Connor ready in the car-seat (such a good daddy). Once we got in the car, it all kinda hit me and I began crying. I knew he was going to be okay, but I was sad for my baby boy. Less than 24 hours home, we were already having to go back.

Our 24 hours in the nursery was hard on me emotionally. Luckily they were able to give us a postpartum room so we could stay in the hospital. Connor was put under the phototherapy lamps and I went to the nursery every 3 hours on the dot to feed my baby. During our 24 hours there, we went from supplementing with a syringe and formula, to using an SNS with formula, to using my breast milk with the SNS. Connor began to have wet diapers, which made me feel so much better knowing my baby was being fed and the jaundice was passing though his system.

I can picture sitting next to his little crib as he laid under the lights. I didn't want to leave him after each feeding, yet it was so hard to not be able to pick him up and hold him. He was my baby, just days old and I didn't want to be away from him. Derek held me close as I laid back in the same hospital bed we had just left... yet this time no baby was in our room. This night was hard on Derek & I, yet I saw us grow so much closer together durning those hours. We know longer cared about ourselves, all we wanted was for our baby to be healthy.

A long 24 hours later, we were able to come back home. His levels had dropped dramatically from 18.5 to 13 which was such a relief.

The first 2 weeks, breastfeeding was an up & down journey. We continued to supplement with breast milk every other feeding for a week after we left the nursery. This meant that each feeding, Derek got the SNS ready with my milk and helped me durning each feeding. We did this more for our own peace of mind, as I knew Connor wasn't latching as efficiently as he should be. Luckily, Connor, me & Derek were patient and once Connor was 12 days old, we stopped all forms of supplementing.

I never though that breastfeeding meant my husband holding a drip-system filled with breast milk as I struggled to get Connor to latch. There were many times I just wanted to quick. I would sit there feeding him crying to Derek knowing that he was mainly sucking the tube and not me. Derek was awesome durning this whole process. He could have told me to quit. He could have gone downstairs and made a bottle. He could have stayed asleep for all those feedings every 2 to 3 hours... but he didn't. He encouraged me to keep trying and reminded me that the most important thing was that Connor was happy and getting milk... regardless of the method.

I'm proud of myself and my baby boy. We went though a hard journey together and now he is eating like a champ! I am 100% more comfortable with breastfeeding than I was 3 weeks ago. I thank Derek all the time for his help in those first weeks.

Im sure breastfeeding will not be the only challenge I face as a new mom... before ya no it I'll be dealing with curfews & girlfriends!!

Connor's Birth Story

** This post is long over-due. I am just now finishing it up, with a cute little baby boy in my lap too! Connor is almost a month old! I cannot believe it! Be aware this post is very long! **

Monday, February 27, I went to bed anxiously awaiting my 41 week appointment the next morning. I was ready to ask my doctor to induce me that day. I wanted to meet my little man and I was getting to a breaking point of being pregnant. I figured my pregnancy would end in an induction the following day. Little did I know what was in store.

Around 4am, Derek had just came to bed...yes... Derek had been playing play-station all night long! We chatted for a few minutes and I was having some painful cramps. They were consistent, but tolerable & not time-able. I got up to use the restroom and the cramps continued. At 5am, as I laid in bed complaining to Derek about my cramps and while asking him 'do you think I'm in labor?', completely naive to what labor felt like... MY WATER BROKE... all over our bed!! There was no more questioning "is this labor?" I WAS indeed in labor. Seconds after my water broke, contractions began. Within seconds I went from moderate cramping to painful contractions 4-5 minutes apart. Being a week overdue, having my bag of waters broke and contractions coming quick, we (more like Derek being very nervous & secretly freaking out) decided to head to the hospital 30 minutes away.

The car ride was painful. I kept feeling as if I needed to use the restroom with each contraction. I attempted to eat toast that Derek had made for me but eating was the farest thing from my mind. With each contraction, now coming every 3 minutes, I felt derek drive faster. Luckily it was 5:30am and few cars were on the road!

We arrived at 6 am to Kaiser and my parents were already there. I was checked and sadly was only 2 cm. I knew I wasn't going to be far along. I had only been having painful contractions for maybe 2 hours at this point. However, since my water had broken and the contractions were so close, I was admitted. My first nurse, Peggy, got my IV started and we discussed getting an epidural. I decided to go walk the halls to progress my labor before I would be restricted to the bed with the epidural. Derek & I walked hand in hand for maybe 20 minutes, taking breaks against the walls of the hallway every 2 minutes or so as the contractions filled my body. Derek was SO good at reminding me to breath! Crazy as it seems, I wouldn't breath. I would just keep saying "oh it hurts" over and over.

As soon as we got back to the room, my nurse ordered the epidural. It was now 12:00 and I was 4 cm dilated. Everyone had to leave the room for it, which made me nervous. Luckily my nurse was really sweet & comforted me. I didn't realize how hard it would be to sit on the edge of the bed hunched over a pillow with a 41 week pregnant belly while having extricating pain fill my body and being told to stay completely still. Sure doc! Well, the epidural took about 20 minutes or so then the anesthesiologist said they were going to administer a "test dose". Within seconds, I felt a rush to my head and apparently my blood pressure spiked from 80 to 120. The anesthesiologist instantly pulled out the epidural! He explained to me it must have not been in the proper location and they were going to have to start all over. Hormonal, uncomfortable me began balling. How was I going to sit still for another 20 minutes through painful contractions that were coming every 2 minutes and lasting a minute? Well, I did. The second epidural worked this time and within 20 minutes I was nicely feeling the effects. I could still feel my legs and mild cramping with each contraction, which was great!

I was warned that getting an epidural could slow down labor, and that happened! My contractions were not coming as quickly and were no longer strong... So in went the pitocin. I always find it so ironic with medicine... it helps one thing, but can cause something else. Anyway, the rest of the afternoon, pitocin was given, then stopped, then given again, then stopped.

Around 4:30 I started feeling each contraction with great intensity. Within 20 minutes it felt as if the epidural had just stopped working... My nurse got the anesthesiologist yet again and he "topped" the epidural off. He explained to me that it could take up to 20 minutes to feel its effects... I painfully waited 20 minutes, 30 minutes, 40 minutes as the contractions grew more intense with no relief. Finally by 6:00, the anesthesiologist said "lets redo your epidural". So yet again, I hunched over and endured a 3rd epidural!

Finally it worked! I was able to enjoy the next 3 hours with a brief nap. The nurse checked me at 9:00 on the dot to find baby boys head on its way out. Suddenly, it was real! It was time to push. I was so overwhelmed with excitement and nerves. I remember looking at Derek the nurse explained to him how to hold my leg... He seemed so ready to meet his baby boy, yet in shock at the same time. I was nervous he was going to pass out so I told him to take off his sweatshirt hehe (yes there I was in labor, about to push out a baby & I was worried about my husband). He said "no im fine" and then a few seconds later said "ok maybe your right". With the next contraction I began to push. Derek reminded me to take a deep breath in and then he counted to 10 for me. Derek was a great labor coach. He encouraged me, praised me and kept me focused. Around 9:25, the doctor came in and quickly got ready. She seems quite surprised that I had only been pushing for 15 minutes and his head was already almost out. 3 pushes later and Connor Jackson Russell was born at 9:35pm.

The joy that was felt as he was placed on my chest is indescribable. It was a moment that I dreamed about my whole life and it was even better than I imagined it. Tears filled my eyes as I saw Derek mesmerized by his baby boy as he kissed him for the first time. In that moment, I've never felt so lucky and blessed.

We spent the next hour as a family of 3 before family and friends quickly said Hi to Connor. Around 11:30pm everyone had left and it was just me & my 2 boys. I think that was my favorite time. Connor was just hours old and so perfect in my arms. I loved staring at Derek as he held Connor completely in love.

February 28th is a day I will never forget. It was the day I became a mom and saw my husband stand by my side for a 16 hour labor with no sleep the night before. It was a day filled with pain, stress, emotions and SO much love. Looking back at pictures of friends and family in the waiting room, makes me feel so special. To know that 15 people waited at the hospital, some over 12 hours, for Connor to be born touches my heart. Im glad it was a day that our family and close friends got to share in the excitement and anticipation. I could have never gotten though any of it without Derek.

Baby boy...

Before you were conceived I wanted you
Before you were born I loved you
Before you were an hour old I would die for you

Many more pictures & posts of Connor's first month to come!

Connor Jackson Russell

He is here & perfect! Connor Jackson Russell was born Tuesday February 28 at 9:35pm. My water broke at 5am that day and I finally began pushing at 9:10pm and 25 minutes later, Connor arrived! Derek was AMAZING during labor and delivery. He stood by my side and held my hand through each contraction & push. There is nothing better than seeing your husband become a daddy. Seeing Connor for the first time was overwhelming. Those 9 months in my belly, plus an extra week, couldn't even prepare me for the love I'd have for him.

I am working on typing up a birth story as well as sharing lots of pictures of labor, our hospital stay, and 1st week at home. Lets see if I manage to actually do all that... For some reason, I have alot less free time to blog all of a sudden ;)